The Surprising Adventures of Baron Munchausen Page 15
CHAPTER XIII
A TRIP TO THE NORTH
_The Baron sails with Captain Phipps, attacks two large bears, and hasa very narrow escape--Gains the confidence of these animals, and thendestroys thousands of them; loads the ship with their hams and skins;makes presents of the former, and obtains a general invitation to allcity feasts--A dispute between the Captain and the Baron, in which, frommotives of politeness, the Captain is suffered to gain his point--TheBaron declines the offer of a throne, and an empress into the bargain._
We all remember Captain Phipps's (now Lord Mulgrave) last voyage ofdiscovery to the north. I accompanied the captain, not as an officer,but as a private friend. When we arrived in a high northern latitude Iwas viewing the objects around me with the telescope which I introducedto your notice in my Gibraltar adventures. I thought I saw two largewhite bears in violent action upon a body of ice considerably above themasts, and about half a league distance. I immediately took my carbine,slung it across my shoulder, and ascended the ice. When I arrived atthe top, the unevenness of the surface made my approach to those animalstroublesome and hazardous beyond expression: sometimes hideous cavitiesopposed me, which I was obliged to spring over; in other parts thesurface was as smooth as a mirror, and I was continually falling: as Iapproached near enough to reach them, I found they were only at play. Iimmediately began to calculate the value of their skins, for they wereeach as large as a well-fed ox: unfortunately, at the very instant I waspresenting my carbine my right foot slipped, I fell upon my back, andthe violence of the blow deprived me totally of my senses for nearlyhalf an hour; however, when I recovered, judge of my surprise at findingone of those large animals I have been just describing had turned meupon my face, and was just laying hold of the waistband of my breeches,which were then new and made of leather: he was certainly going to carryme feet foremost, God knows where, when I took this knife (showing alarge clasp knife) out of my side-pocket, made a chop at one of hishind feet, and cut off three of his toes; he immediately let me drop androared most horribly. I took up my carbine and fired at him as he ranoff; he fell directly. The noise of the piece roused several thousandof these white bears, who were asleep upon the ice within half a mile ofme; they came immediately to the spot. There was no time to be lost. Amost fortunate thought arrived in my pericranium just at that instant.I took off the skin and head of the dead bear in half the time that somepeople would be in skinning a rabbit, and wrapped myself in it, placingmy own head directly under Bruin's; the whole herd came round meimmediately, and my apprehensions threw me into a most piteous situationto be sure: however, my scheme turned out a most admirable one for myown safety. They all came smelling, and evidently took me for a brotherBruin; I wanted nothing but bulk to make an excellent counterfeit:however, I saw several cubs amongst them not much larger than myself.After they had all smelt me, and the body of their deceased companion,whose skin was now become my protector, we seemed very sociable, and Ifound I could mimic all their actions tolerably well; but at growling,roaring, and hugging they were quite my masters. I began now to thinkthat I might turn the general confidence which I had created amongstthese animals to my advantage.
I had heard an old army surgeon say a wound in the spine was instantdeath. I now determined to try the experiment, and had again recourse tomy knife, with which I struck the largest in the back of the neck,near the shoulders, but under great apprehensions, not doubting but thecreature would, if he survived the stab, tear me to pieces. However, Iwas remarkably fortunate, for he fell dead at my feet without making theleast noise. I was now resolved to demolish them every one in the samemanner, which I accomplished without the least difficulty; for althoughthey saw their companions fall, they had no suspicion of either thecause or the effect. When they all lay dead before me, I felt myself asecond Samson, having slain my thousands.
To make short of the story, I went back to the ship, and borrowed threeparts of the crew to assist me in skinning them, and carrying the hamson board, which we did in a few hours, and loaded the ship with them. Asto the other parts of the animals, they were thrown into the sea, thoughI doubt not but the whole would eat as well as the legs, were theyproperly cured.
As soon as we returned I sent some of the hams, in the captain's name,to the Lords of Admiralty, others to the Lords of the Treasury, some tothe Lord Mayor and Corporation of London, a few to each of the tradingcompanies, and the remainder to my particular friends, from all ofwhom I received warm thanks; but from the city I was honoured withsubstantial notice, viz., an invitation to dine at Guildhall annually onLord Mayor's day.
The bear-skins I sent to the Empress of Russia, to clothe her majestyand her court in the winter, for which she wrote me a letter of thankswith her own hand, and sent it by an ambassador extraordinary, invitingme to share the honours of her crown; but as I never was ambitious ofroyal dignity, I declined her majesty's favour in the politest terms.The same ambassador had orders to wait and bring my answer to hermajesty _personally_, upon which business he was absent about threemonths: her majesty's reply convinced me of the strength of heraffections, and the dignity of her mind; her late indisposition wasentirely owing (as she, kind creature! was pleased to express herself ina late conversation with the Prince Dolgoroucki) to my cruelty. What thesex see in me I cannot conceive, but the Empress is not the only femalesovereign who has offered me her hand.
Some people have very illiberally reported that Captain Phipps didnot proceed as far as he might have done upon that expedition. Here itbecomes my duty to acquit him; our ship was in a very proper trim tillI loaded it with such an immense quantity of bear-skins and hams, afterwhich it would have been madness to have attempted to proceed further,as we were now scarcely able to combat a brisk gale, much less thosemountains of ice which lay in the higher latitudes.
The captain has since often expressed a dissatisfaction that he hadno share in the honours of that day, which he emphatically called_bear-skin day_. He has also been very desirous of knowing by what artI destroyed so many thousands, without fatigue or danger to myself;indeed, he is so ambitious of dividing the glory with me, that we haveactually quarrelled about it, and we are not now upon speaking terms.He boldly asserts I had no merit in deceiving the bears, because I wascovered with one of their skins; nay, he declares there is not, in hisopinion, in Europe, so complete a bear naturally as himself among thehuman species.
He is now a noble peer, and I am too well acquainted with good mannersto dispute so delicate a point with his lordship.